Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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