So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
