Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
