Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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