Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
