Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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