and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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