Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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