She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
