The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
