Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize