I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
