Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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