did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
