I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
