Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
