Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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