I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
