All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize