Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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