8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
