Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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