she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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