this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
