Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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