I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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