He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
