What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
