I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
