This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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