I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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