no, he came in my armpit
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
