hell yes lets make some ravioli
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
