All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
