i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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