Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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