i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
