Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize