Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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