We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
