I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
