Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
