I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
