Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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