I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
