he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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