I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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