I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
