I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize