okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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