True but thats because hes a fetus.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think a kid would responsible me up
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
