This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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