I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
