I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
