Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
