Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
