What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
