i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize