RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
