Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
