Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
