This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
