worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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