i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
