im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize