She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
