Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
