OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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