Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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