you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
