I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
